I'm a Horrible Mother!

I don't know of any mom that hasn't felt that way at some point. Being a mom is a tough and thankless job. You don't get paid any money. You have to deal with pee and poop that is not your own all day long. You have a boss that has unpredictable mood swings and is extremely demanding. That's not to say that motherhood doesn't have perks- a feeling that your baby is happy and healthy at the end of the day, that adorable toothless grin, having a dance marathon/karaoke session anytime you want, and nothing beats a hug from baby. It's just that you can never do enough.

I try to plan one activity per day whether it's to go to the pediatrician, go to a class, take Lukas to the park, or run errands. I feel guilty when I am not able to do at least one of those things in a day and I think to myself "I'm a horrible mother!" when I know that's not true. Or when I feel a little selfish and want to watch some TV like Oprah or Desperate Housewives and Lukas is awake. (I try not to watch TV while he is awake unless I am feeding him so he can't watch.) I also feel guilty that I haven't mailed out birth announcements, I am behind on Thank You cards, I haven't taken as many pictures of Lukas as I have wanted, I haven't posted the pictures that I have on the camera, I haven't figured out what to do about childcare, I haven't returned emails/phone calls, I haven't been cooking much, I haven't been reading much on child development, Lukas hasn't had his tummy time, I forget someone's birthday (which I never used to do...) and the list goes on. I can't seem to move fast enough or there aren't enough hours in the day. It's just overwhelming sometimes. Then, I read that I should be napping and resting to make sure that I can produce enough milk. So I feel guilty when I do nap and guilty when I try to get things done. It's a double-edged sword. I guess it's like a marathon (not that I have ever run one!) in that it doesn't matter how you do on each individual mile, but that you finish. Lukas won't remember the days that I didn't take him to the park, I just have to hope he'll just remember the ones that I do.